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Mr. Brightside
You’ve rescued from the flood by Bond-alike Brent Valmont, but in return he ropes you into another mission Cast * Sam Yao * Jody Marsh * Brent Valmont Plot Both Daring And Fun Valmont arrives in a speedboat to rescue you and Jody from your perch above the water, and to request help on a mission: he thinks he’s found where some of Sigrid’s immune women are, including Sam’s sister! All The Best Plans You arrive at Little Venice, where Valmont expects you to be greeted, but the colony is mysteriously deserted. There are zoms on your tail, so you beat a hasty exit, along with the local school’s pet chinchilla. Attracted A Large Group Of Zoms Zoms lost, you find some people living on stationary train carriages. They seem very afraid when they see you, and set off an alarm. Unfortunately this attracts more zoms which you now need to avoid. That’s The Signal You head into the territory of the Edgware Dragons - a Welsh separatist colony - who still believe Sigrid’s lies about Abel. There’s an old facility of hers here containing the files you need, but first you need to get past the checkpoint, using the chinchilla as a distraction! Outside The Eastern Border With the guards occupied by the chinchilla, you and Jody search through the files inside the facility. Unfortunately you’ve set off an alarm, so you grab a box of floppy disks, and get out of there before armed guards arrive. Need All The Friends You Can Get Only Valmont can access the hardware needed to read the floppy disks. He has slightly less altruistic plans for the data than just finding Sam’s sister, but right now he’s one of very few Abel allies, so you hand them over. S07E03 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript SAM YAO: Okay. Jody, Five, Janine’s evacuating the peace conference. The Last Riders took off in their big rig after you blew the World’s End barrier. How’s it at your end? JODY MARSH: The water’s gone down a bit, but we’re still marooned. We turned Chelsea into a lake, and me and Five are stuck on a concrete pillar in the middle of it. SAM YAO: Yeah, I can see you on the cams. Uh, well, you could try swimming. JODY MARSH: Through zombie-infested waters? Wait, can you hear that? engine runs BRENT VALMONT: Ahoy, Abel runners! SAM YAO: Is that - is that Brent Valmont? In the speedboat from Moonraker? BRENT VALMONT: Samuel! Yes, it is. Sorry, I hope you don’t mind me hopping on your comms channel. And talking of - Jody, Five, hop on board. JODY MARSH: What are you doing here? BRENT VALMONT: Well, rescuing you. Also recruiting you for a mission that’s conveniently en route. Hang on, I haven’t quite got the hang of driving this thing yet. Roger Moore made it look deceptively easy. SAM YAO: Wait, what mission? BRENT VALMONT: One that concerns you, actually, Sam. I would have used ANNIE, only the old girl’s not quite herself at the moment. You wouldn’t have any clue what’s up with her, would you? SAM YAO: Uh, no. Haven’t heard anything. BRENT VALMONT: Oh well. I’ll get to the bottom of it eventually. But in the meantime, I’ve tracked down some files that might be useful. I think they’ll tell us what happened to some of the missing immune women, including your sister, Sam. SAM YAO: Oh. Yeah, thank you. BRENT VALMONT: Think nothing of it. JODY MARSH: Have you heard anything, Sam? SAM YAO: No. Her name was on Sigrid’s books, but I talked to all the women we rescued from the serum factory, and none of them had met a Nicky Yao. She was always tough, though. If anyone survived, it’d be her. BRENT VALMONT: Well, we may learn something to our advantage today. Here we are. Abel runners, dry land. JODY MARSH: Dry-ish. It’s dead muddy! SAM YAO: Also the boat engine’s attracted a bunch of zoms. I mean, you do have the cure. BRENT VALMONT: But what’s the point of getting cure side effects when we can get some fresh air instead? Don’t worry, I have a plan. And like all my plans, it’s both daring and fun! JODY MARSH: Then let’s run! BRENT VALMONT: What’s that up ahead I see? Could it be the Little Venice canal colony? Why yes, it could. JODY MARSH: Oh, it’s pretty, isn’t it? All those barges roped together with multi-colored shacks on top of them. SAM YAO: Like a sort of low-budget British Waterworld. BRENT VALMONT: More importantly, they’re in possession of a certain object my plans require. Although I was expecting a welcome by now, especially once they spotted your T-shirt, Runner Five. They’re tremendous fans. JODY MARSH: Uh, the lights don’t seem to be on anywhere. You sure it’s still inhabited? BRENT VALMONT: It was a week ago. Let’s try looking on one of the boats. creaks open JODY MARSH: Oh, it’s a primary school! Tiny tables with tiny chairs and crayon drawings on the wall. But no kids. BRENT VALMONT: This drawing’s you, Five! But really, your ears aren’t that big. JODY MARSH: Look, blood stains on the floor. What happened here? BRENT VALMONT: Attack by another colony. Strategic retreat now the Ministry can’t guarantee their borders. Zoms. Distribution of the cure has been slapdash since Sigrid’s demise. SAM YAO: Guys, you’ve got zoms coming up the canal path. You need to get out. BRENT VALMONT: Just let me grab this little fellow. squeaks He’s a key part of my plan. JODY MARSH: Um, that’s a chinchilla, the class pet. Why do you need a chinchilla? BRENT VALMONT: All the best plans do, don’t they, my little one? Yes, they do! All right, come on! Let’s get out of here before those zoms eat him. And us. SAM YAO: And you’re zom-free. You lost them in IKEA, ironically. JODY MARSH: Uh, that looks like a station at the end of the road. We could get a train the rest of the way! BRENT VALMONT: Yes, you could. If the trains were running, which they’re not. Not since you took down Sigrid. JODY MARSH: Over there, Five, can you see? People are living in the trains. SAM YAO: Oh yeah. There’s washing hanging out of the rusty windows. And oh look! Someone’s sunbathing on the roof. laughs BRENT VALMONT: Did you meet that Colonel Sage at the peace conference? He’s an interesting chap. Lots of theories about how societies break down, and more importantly, rebuild. JODY MARSH: He’s the guy Ellie went to work with. He was the only one standing up for Janine at the conference. BRENT VALMONT: We need people like him to get through this, or we’ll all end up living in broken-down trains that are going nowhere. banging SAM YAO: What the hell is that? JODY MARSH: An alarm. The people are rushing back to the trains and closing metal shutters on the windows. Are you sure we lost those zoms? SAM YAO: Uh, yeah. I’m trying to see what spooked them, but they just keep looking toward - ah. No, I get it. It’s not a zom alarm. It’s a people alarm. They’re hiding from you. cries JODY MARSH: It’s okay! We’re harmless! BRENT VALMONT: Hmm, they don’t seem convinced. Let’s hide behind that rhododendron ponticum until they calm down. rustles Now here, Alejandro. Have a little nibble. squeaks JODY MARSH: You’ve called the chinchilla Alejandro? SAM YAO: Bugger. That alarm’s attracted quite a large group of zoms. You’d better get out of there fast. SAM YAO: Okay, guys. You’ve crossed the boundary into Edgeware. Wait, are those - are those Welsh flags on the buildings? BRENT VALMONT: The Edgeware Dragons are a Welsh separatist colony. All right, before we go further, let’s hide behind this statue of Owain Glyndŵr. You lot aren’t terribly popular here. JODY MARSH: What have we ever done to them? BRENT VALMONT: Everything bad that ever happened, according to Sigrid. They were one of her closest allies. Very keen on law and order, this lot. Look over there. That underpass leads straight to Sigrid’s facility. That’s where you’ll find the files. SAM YAO: There’s a checkpoint. Armed guards. BRENT VALMONT: That’s where Alejandro and I come in. When you hear the word “backdated,” make a run for it. JODY MARSH: But what are you - ? Nope. He’s gone. SAM YAO: Um, he’s waving his chinchilla cage at the armed guards. Is that sensible? BRENT VALMONT: Hello, friends! GUARD: Mr. Valmont, nice to see you again. If you show us your paperwork, you can walk right through. BRENT VALMONT: Ah, yes. Slight problem. I’m afraid there’s not just me that needs an entry visa. There’s also this little chap. squeaks GUARD: Gareth, come and look at this. He’s only gone and brought a chinchilla. GARETH: Oh dear. Still, if you fill in accompanied rodent pet form 23Z, then you’ll be okay. BRENT VALMONT: Good, yes. Only well, I have to confess, I did let him nibble on some rhododendron ponticum. He’s got some on his fur. That’s an invasive plant species, isn’t it? GUARD: Now that is a problem. Gwen, Aeronwen, come over here. I need some advice on what form to use. BRENT VALMONT: We could always “backdate” 542E. SAM YAO: That’s it! That’s it, guys! That’s the signal! Run for that underpass! BRENT VALMONT: Guys! Guys, can you hear me? Look, the guards are getting form 362Zβ, so I can talk. Are you through the underpass? JODY MARSH: Right at the end. There’s a door. It’s not locked. creaks open Five, can you find a light switch? SAM YAO: What can you see? Is it Sigrid’s facility? JODY MARSH: Uh, looks like it. There’s a big picture of her on the wall looking all noble and thoughtful and not all like a homicidal maniac. SAM YAO: And the files? JODY MARSH: Yeah. There’s definitely something here, Sam. The cabinets are locked, but Five’s jimmying them open. clatters SAM YAO: Is there, um… well, is there anything about immune people? Or where Sigrid sent my sister? Look, I was thinking like… well, maybe because she was quite good with numbers and stuff, she might have had a job somewhere. JODY MARSH: There’s a lot of names, but they’re not filed alphabetically. Instead by “instruments of leverage.” Each file is a person. This one’s Gerald West but labeled “Romantic.” It’s got a photo and all these notes. “Two sisters, one deceased, other estranged. Wife and boy. Boy asthmatic. Wife have an affair with D. C. Darby, ref. 44AZ.” Oh. Romantic leverage! SAM YAO: Huh. Well, we knew she was spying on people. JODY MARSH: There’s so much detail, though! “Allergic to penicillin. Strongly motivated by greed. Coulrophobia.” That’s the word for being afraid of clowns, isn’t it? SAM YAO: I think the word for that is “sane.” JODY MARSH: There must be thousands of files here, Sam! There could be something on your sister, but… BRENT VALMONT: You haven’t got time to find it, but according to my intel, there should be floppy disk copies of all the data. Why floppy disks, you might ask? I couldn’t tell you. JODY MARSH: You’re right. They’re in those boxes. If you take one, Five, I can carry the other. BRENT VALMONT: Grab them and get out! You must have set off a hidden alarm. The locals here are sending a welcoming committee with guns - so more of an unwelcoming committee, really - anyway, get away from them, and meet me outside the eastern border. SAM YAO: Run! BRENT VALMONT: Ah, there you are! Boxes of disks in hand. Overall, a plan well-executed, I’d say. JODY MARSH: Except we haven’t got anything at Abel that reads floppy disks. Since we’re not, you know, living in the 1980’s. BRENT VALMONT: Oh, I can take care of that. ANNIE might be on the blink, but I still have access to her hardware. We can go through these for you. I can’t promise they’ll contain information about your sister, Samuel, but they should be useful regardless. JODY MARSH: No, they won’t. We’re not going to start blackmailing people or threatening them into joining us. SAM YAO: No. We didn’t get rid of Sigrid just to start doing things the way she did. Now that’s not us. BRENT VALMONT: Entirely understandable, but… there’s a power vacuum at the heart of this country. If you don’t fill it, there are plenty of other undesirables more than willing to do so. You didn’t get rid of Sigrid just to replace her with another Sigrid either, did you? JODY MARSH: No. That’s why we held the peace conference! BRENT VALMONT: But I’m afraid the peace conference failed, so maybe you should start thinking about what comes next. Here, take Alejandro back to Abel. squeaks With the way things are going, you’re going to need all the friends you can get. Codex Artefacts Alejandro the Chinchilla ' Much to Janine's exasperation (and Sam's delight), Alejandro the Chinchilla has settled in quite happily in his new home next to Sam's comms desk. 'Floppy discs from Valmont It's a little concerning that so much sensitive information is held on such outdated hardware, but luckily Valmont is certain that ANNIE will be able to access them. Category:Mission Category:Season Seven